Problems and problems

I spent a month doing internship in Japan last February. Right now I am in the middle of waiting for the final decision of whether they’ll take me as their permanent employee or not.

March is undeniably the most favorable time of the year for me, considering my birthday is also being in the said month. Nevertheless, right now I am feeling a bit suffocated as a result of uprising problems I faced these days.

Problem number one is campus’ administration work. Considering I will be graduated next month, I have to prepare all the necessary paperworks for my graduation ceremony. I had my final thesis defense last January, on the 12th. I gave it all my best so the date won’t exceed January 15th, the deadline for paying only administration fee without the need to pay for 50% tuition. It worked smoothy, at first. Without me knowing, the department one-sidedly make a decision to put it’s judicium meeting date for administration dates (January 18th). In the end, it affects all the paperworks and the administrator told me to pay 50% of the tuition. LIKE HELL I WOULD?! I gave it all to avoid the tuition, then I still have to pay?!? That’s totally absurd!

And when I was annoyingly disturbed by this administration-craps, another problem arises. It was one of my freelance job. So I have this one friend who runs online business and when I had my thesis done, I asked her if she would need a hand, she then told me I could be a help. The job was complicated, I tried to learn but it was just piling up and up. I decided to take a break when I had my internship, but then I returned. The moment I returned, the job assignments have gotten bigger and more and more complicated. I had some personal training with my friend, and when I did it with her it seems just easy, but when I did it by myself, I can’t handle all the tasks. No, I’m not blaming this for my friend. Maybe I just need more time to get used to all the job, but because I have tons of other thing to do, including my other freelance job, and not to mention all the stress I got from the administration-craps, I feel so much stressed.

And did I mention I am currently under stress for the reverse culture-shock?

I am indeed. I know I just stayed for a month in Japan, when everything is tidily organized and convenient, but maybe it was because my staying was too short, I didn’t get the grasp of the ups and downs of living in Japan contrary to living in Indonesia, like when I did when I went to Japan the first time last year. I only did live in Japan for a month, but I lived happily there. The bento-making and the commuting-thing were hard at first, but every other thing was nice; I could go to Okachimachi after work-hours and enjoying life even when I was alone, on the weekends I could meet up with friends and went to cafes or did karaoke. But the emphasis might be that I could do anything by myself without the need of presence of other people. Purchases could be done with machine and other kinds of automatic-stuffs, commuting was as easy as getting on and off trains or buses, free wifi on konbinis, nice walking path everywhere, etc. These days I tend to compare things in Japan and Indonesia, and it makes me hate being here. I used to love Bandung, but now I think Bandung is no longer livable. It took solid 5 hours from CGK Intl airport to Bandung, and it even took more than one hour to commute from home to campus; traffic jam everywhere! annoying street-singers everywhere! beggars! heavy tropical rainfalls!

I hate to be so negative about too many things but yet I can’t seem to find the way back to be a positive-minded. I don’t even know if I could make it to work in Japan. My parents supported me if I had the chance. They kinda want me to come back and make my own business after 1-2 years tho, but I stated my reasoning that it’s kinda impossible to do with such limited experience. I don’t know whether they understand it or not, but if I could make it, I don’t think I would be back. I want to live in Canada, maybe. But then again, it might not be true because I might not make it to be a worthy candidate for my previous employer in Japan.

And if I couldn’t make it, only God knows how devastated I will be.