I want(ed) to be an Engineer!

It's late at night and I still can't sleep. And instead of forcing myself to sleep, which will lead to me waking up late nevertheless, I think it's better for me to make an update here in my blog.

Someday you will look back and know exactly why it had to happen

I'm currently in the mood for writing a letter to my 28-year old-self. I want my future self to remember these time of my life; a moment they called quarter-life crisis.
How will life be in 5 years? How will people I love be? How will I see myself and my future self be?

It's exciting yet thrilling. I know that life is hell of a mystery; one day it could bring happiness and the other day it could bring sadness. It can't be helped that I'm honestly scared if my life will not be long enough to make something good for my loved ones, but I'm more scared if theirs neither. We could never anticipate it, right? It scares me to the bone.

But then again, I still want to ask a lot of things for my future self and remind her to always make the best of everything that come her way.

Dear future self, always have fun where ever you are :)

(about) Personality

Don’t you think it’s great to meet someone who could read you like a book?

Just now, I found myself hating psychologist so much. So damn much.

I did not make it to the next stage of the recruitment of this one company, my step was ended right after the psychological tests. As a matter of fact, I do feel confident about my tests until I met this one pyschological interviewer. Long story short, she made me hate her. See? I am not the kind of someone who look at people and just hate them without a reason, but she made me hate her! And all psychologists in general! So I was thinking, psychologists are overrated. I mean, who are they to go around and point one person out of the other and decide that one is best among them? You gotta be kidding me!

Two days ago, I went to another psychological interview for another company. I was not very excited though, but then I came. And I was late. I was waiting for about a quarter of an hour until this one lady called me. Her name was Ayu, she asked me few questions about myself and the next thing I know, this interview was become a personal consultation.

It started with a simple question, “How are you feeling right now?” And it led me to say that I was –indeed- stressed out with my life recently. Then she felt the urge to speak this truth about me, about what she saw in me. And she read me just like a book.

She said that it was normal for me to be stressed out, cause I was always being a ‘star’. I wasn’t take it for granted though –like what I was thinking recently- , she reminded me that I always have this huge encouragement to succed whenever I feel like I need one. And yes, I need to work on my moody-self. Underlined.

She also pointed out that sometimes, I could be too egocentric and only care for my own achievements. Some jobs might need this kind of person, but others also need a person who is capable of working in a team. She did not said that I was lack of softskills to do this, cause I am the type of a person who could do almost everything IF I WOULD. Once again, I need to work on my temper.

And ooh, I am someone who concern too much about my surroundings, she said. The work environment could affect me much, maybe too much.

Another thing about me, she said, I am an honest-to-godness person. This is good actually, but sometimes, people want to see what they want to see. Sometimes we need to dress, speak, and think like what anyone else want us to. For this matter, I am not quitely sure I could do that.

My meeting with her makes me think much about what I want to do next. To be honest, I could not clearly imagine what will I be in two or three years from now. Mbak Ayu advised me to think about that and then be focused on it, rather than taking all opportunities which come to me.

Maybe I’ll consider taking my master’s degree. Or not. I don’t know.