大丈夫の？

Right now I have mixed feelings about life.

Putting aside my problems that somehow could make me sleep all day and cry all night, I am thinking about my little brother who is now thinking of leaving his study.


At one side, I believe he has to be responsible for his action of choosing that major and finish it no matter what, because our family has put many efforts to support him studying and living in where he is now. And I know for sure, with me supporting my own life right now, it cost much. Our family's finance is getting better now with my two older sisters working and constantly giving us money for us to live, but it wasn't. And I know my parents and my older sisters, who had been struggling up until now, have a big hope for me and my brother to study well and eventually get a good job and could help them supporting the family as well.

At another side, I am thinking that maybe it's just me and my pride, me struggling so much to keep good grades and living up to three part-time jobs, that just not sincere that he could have his life easy with just playing around and make money sometimes with all those paid-promotes he got from being famous on Instagram. Somehow I know that maybe people don't have to go through what I had gone through. Sometimes I know life's a biatch indeed and it is indeed not fair. I could work my ass off here and sacrifice much sweat and tears while others could just use minimum efforts and get the same amount of or maybe bigger outcome in the end.

I knew I swear to myself to make this blog just for showing my happiness to the world, but sometimes this kind of negative thoughts are just came by itself to me and make me depressed. And I have no one to talk to since I don't want to burden my family and I don't know whom of my friends I could trust anymore.

So cheers, strangers! Thanks for stopping by, and please keep all what you read here for yourself.