How my ichi-nen relationship with a Japanese guy ended

He is Japanese.
He lives in Shibuya.
He is a typical Japanese salaryman who loves nomikai on Friday night afterwork.
He is an otaku, mostly to games.
He is smart, but could be reckless sometimes.

We've been in a relationship since 2017. It all started when we made a match in T1nder while I was doing Student Exchange in Japan (February). We talked online for quite some time, he helped me a lot when I did solo trip in Southern Japan. I didn't have any intention to meet him at first, partly because he didn't look too good-looking in his photos (nee gomen ne!), but we meet anyway. I proposed our meeting to be in a halal ramen shop near Akihabara (March). We met in the station, typical encounter point for Japanese people I guess. Aaand he looked good. I mean, he lost some weight and quite good looking, maybe because I like typical East-Asian faces. Idk haha.

That time we ate halal ramen, and I challenge him to eat the spicy one because he said he likes spicy things. Then he cried. The kakkoi thing is, he tried to hide his burning mouth and stomach by looking cool, while tears dripping out his face. Either it's kakkoi or kawaii, I laughed a lot. And maybe (juust maybe) it was my charming point in his eyes. Idk but my Korean friend told me that I look cute while laughing, while actually I feel so ugly lmao, whatever I'm happy anyway. Back to him, because I felt sorry for making him cry, I paid for the meal that time. Yes I am a reckless person, I was a broke exchange student from a third-world country, insist to treat a first-world salaryman. It might crush his masculinity at one point, but well it's just a cheap ramen anyway lol.

After the meal I asked him to accompany me finding some figurines that my friend asked for in Akiba, his second home. It was frustrating. At one point, I managed to buy something, then I was freakin' busy with that accomplishment, I'm not caring abt my bag anymore. When I just expect my bag to follow me from the cash register (the strap's on me, it would follow me anyway), he picked it up and helped it be beside me in a delicate-way (I can't put it in a proper wordings sorry!). Anyway, that act melted my heart to think that he is such a gentleman (most Japanese guys would do this kind of thing I guess, however this is rare to be found among Indonesian men, so I found it respectable). Before we parted ways, I gave him a bracelet that I bought in my hometown (I gave it to almost every person I befriended in Japan). On the way home, he messaged me with the picture of that bracelet in his hand, saying thank you and how he liked it. Cute. It could be nerve-wracking for a girl to message first after a date, right? But that kind of frustration went away with his act of messaging first (and only minutes away from when we parted ways).

Thoughts

"So if I ask you now...
Have I ever crossed your mind?
Or you have tons of other more important things to think about?"

Crushed.

Shattered.

Then again, once again.

I don't know yet what life wants to teach me.

Someday, maybe, it will be my turn to smile.

Unfortunately it's not today.