The Thoughts of Losing Peeps

Today is a slow day and I think I will wrote another blogpost for a different topic.

I think I am experiencing what they called quarter-life crisis right now. And no, it's not about the future. These moments I think I have so much confidence I could be anything and do anything if I would spare some of my time to focus. I know, but I also up for all the ugly truths life have out there. I am a grown woman. lol.

The thing I'd like to talk about here is about my social circle. I have many friends, if that doesn't sound like I'm blabbering, lol. I have my school friends that I'd like to keep in touch with, from elementary ones to high school ones. I have my college friends, I have other random friends who are sometimes I couldn't even remember how we could be friends in the first place, and many other friends. Of course, all those friends are nice, but I'd only share my personal stuffs to those who are close to me.

And.......that's the problems now.

You see, I took somehow different way from my close friends of how I decided to go back to college and took Master's degree when most of them decided to work. And it was cool, at first.

Four years after graduating undergrad, most of my close friends are already settle with their careers, incomes, and love-life. And some of them have decided to build a family of their own.

You see, I am absolutely happy that they've progressed so much with their lives. They met a good partner, they are financially stable, they want to have kids, whatever. But.......I feel kinda like we grew apart. And those problems are on my side. I know.

I think I haven't grow up that much. I make my own living but I haven't had that thing they called 'career', most of the things I do are just freelance jobs to pay the bills, and I haven't had any planning to get hitched. I mean, I would like to, but it's not entirely under my control, right? So all I could do now is carpe diem-ing my life. I tried to be happy with all the little things that could simply make me smile. With funny tweets, Youtube videos, my experiments, my daily life, my jobs, my family, anything.

But sometimes, I feel lonely.

I miss how I have friends to go literally anywhere, to go karaoke until our throats hurt, to play billiard until three in the morning, playing in the arcade until we drenched in sweats, going to fancy restaurants and have discounted meals, even just to catch up and talking about little things.

But I feel like they are not the same anymore.... They've progressed so much with their lives that they undervalue the problems I faced these days. They have different insights. They don't share the same frequency with me anymore. At some points, they become obnoxious old people.

I know it could be me who don't actually act my age, but... I just like how I am right now, and I haven't had that pressure to become something else. I am who I am. I am still this 25-year old girl who wear jeans and jerseys and one particular pair of sneakers everywhere. I still don't think that make up or skincare is a must. I'd rather but foods than a pricey make up foundation. I still like to play in the arcade.

I still tried to be a good friend. But I know that our friendships might not be the one I wanted anymore. Especially when the are not singles anymore and they started to bring their significant others to our meet-ups. I know their intentions are good; for me to be close with their partners. But I honestly don't like it. I mean I know their partners because most of the time they talk to me about them, but like, I don't need to be close to them if I don't personally like them, right? And, would you please understand that I haven't met you for a long period of time and when I do meet you, I want some quality time with you?

Maybe I am not a good friend indeed. Or I don't know, maybe I actually just need some not-to-close friends to hang out with? Without all the feelings, heart-to-heart talks, and etc? Or maybe, I should just befriends with single people so I won't feel like I lose them for their significant others.